Just call me Matt, version 2.0

Matt Cutts, Google’s Spamfuhrer, has been asking webmasters to write in if they think their sites should rank higher…

Google says: “Would you like your website to rank higher for free?”
Google means: “Would you like to identify yourself as a hot prospect to buy AdWords?”

Of course I could replace Matt Cutts, and do his act even better!

I’ll bet that all the clever things that Matt says and writes are actually prepared by clever little chaps in the Google back-office. Those guys never get exposed to the public because they look and sound cynical, twisted, and dishonest.

Matt’s job is to look nice and harmless. Cuddly, even. I can look cuddly. Especially if ‘certain people’ in the WPW Moderator team would stop hogging all the donuts! Pass them over, girls! It’s OK for guys to look cuddly. But for girlies… C’mon now… Just take the hint and pass the donuts!

The other part of Matt’s job is to look sincere, while all the time spouting imprecise and unreliable waffle. I can do that. I do do that. In fact, I’ve done it for so long, that I can’t stop doing that!

But my trump card over poor replaceable Matt, is that I can do the whole thing with a classy and refined British accent. Gullible people (that’s to say, about 99% of SEO’ers) always trust an educated Brit accent!

If you can’t beat them, join them! California, here I come!

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